I have my weak moments but I’m far from weak. I’ve been through a lot of shit, some that I’m still going through, and I have yet to fold. I fight through it, cry through it, write about it and hope for the best. My experiences do not define me but they definitely help build my character. I may feel weak at times but I know for sure that I’m a strong woman. I have to be. Nothing measures your strength as much as having to find the energy every day to smile through the bullshit. The strong one just needs a shoulder to cry on at times and for people to not tell me “you’ll be okay”. Don’t ever pacify someone that’s going through something.
The morning turn up. Now I’m gonna be saying “I’m a drug dealing nigga” for the rest of the day.
YAWK YAWK YAWK.
As things start to change in my life, I’m realizing that I need to keep things to myself. I’ve always been a particularly private person but I’ve let some people in when I shouldn’t have. Most truly don’t give a fuck and others don’t need to know when something good is happening if they abandoned me during the bad. Keep tabs on me through social networks without actually reaching out and you won’t know shit. Mum’s the fucking word. It’s better that way.
You tell someone, “I’m lonely, I’m going through a lot, and I need you” and they still leave. I fucked up by thinking I had someone who’d stick by me through it all. Although I’m a writer, I should know first hand that a person’s words can sometimes mean absolutely nothing. You see why I have trust issues?
I wrote something about how my parents’ relationship has shaped how I view love and also how it has seeped into my own love life. One of these days I’ll get the courage to post it.
Duke Ellington & John Coltrane - In A Sentimental Mood
Favorite song, ever.
Yesterday’s rainy day prompted a need for something light but filling that went very well with the ginger-mint lemonade.
Boil lobster shells, thyme and chicken bouillon cube for 20-25 minutes to make lobster stock. Strain and set aside. Sauté shallots, celery, garlic and red pepper flakes in sweet butter. Add cognac and lobster stock. Increase heat and boil for 5 minutes until liquid is reduced by almost half. Reduce heat and stir in half and half. Add black pepper, salt, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce and smoked paprika. Once cream is heated through, add in cheese. Chop lobster meat into large pieces and pan sear in separate pan for about two minutes. Add meat to soup with chopped scallions, tomatoes and parsley. Keep on low heat for a couple minutes until lobster meat is heated through. Taste soup and adjust seasonings as needed. Take pot off stove and let sit for about 5 minutes before serving. Garnish with chopped parsley and chives. Serve with toasted French bread.